Are You Mean-Girling Yourself? A Trick to Tame Your Inner Bully

"I can't believe you did that again?" "Why do you keep eating junk? This is why you're fat!" "How can you be so stupid?"

You wouldn't say these things to your best friend or your daughter, but this is how you talk to yourself every day. And you wonder why you feel so down. 

Even if you are on board with the concept of affirming self-talk, most women are afraid to let go of berating themselves for fear they'll lose all motivation to get out of bed, eat a vegetable, or pretty much ever put pants on again.

But, the irony is....Fear, anxiety, and self-loathing are terrible motivators!

You may be able to bully yourself into going to the gym from time to time, but the cost to your energy level and functioning is too high to ever truly flourish. When you talk down to yourself, you live from a place of deprivation not abundance. This impacts how you see everything around you and ultimately impacts how others treat you. 

 Hard to keep your inner spark lit when you are drowning yourself in negative self-talk.

Hard to keep your inner spark lit when you are drowning yourself in negative self-talk.

So here is my challenge to you. Pick a couple areas in your life where you mean-girling yourself and change up the script...

Eating healthy

The old lie: If I berate myself constantly over my appearance and agonize after every dessert, I'll eat right.

Reality: Constant anxiety and stress sets off your cortisol levels, saps your energy and you end up craving carbs. You give in, the self-loathing piles on, and the cycle repeats. 

The new truth: My body is a blessing and I want to treat myself with the love I deserve.

Result: You eat healthier and less because you are giving your body some loving attention and tuning in while you eat instead of stress-slamming a box of Oreos. Your hormone levels improve so you crave less junk. Sometimes you have a donut, sometimes you eat a salad. But you don't base your self-worth on either. And food becomes less of a pawn in your internal power struggle ("I work so hard, I deserve a cupcake!") and you stop feeling the need to rebel against your own internal nagging mean-mommy voice by eating junk food.

See what I did there? Try this little exercise in your struggle areas. It can be scary to let go of self-condemnation. But, is self-bullying really actually working for you? Maybe its time to try a new and more loving way...

 ...and all-around awesome. Don't forget to remind yourself daily.

...and all-around awesome. Don't forget to remind yourself daily.

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About the Author:

Charlynn Ruan, PhD Is A Clinical Psychologist Based In Santa Monica, California.

She Specializes In Helping Women, Mothers And Trauma Survivors Thrive.

Click Below To Find Out More About Dr. Ruan Or To Book A 20 Minute Complimentary Consultation.