What does self-care mean to you?
There was article last year in the magazine Psychology Today with the title, “Does the term Self-Care Nauseate you?” I thought that was a great title, as for some I think it does. We live in the age of many self-care treatments, products, seminars, retreats, practitioners, etc. And all those things can be wonderful and helpful, but can cost money, take up time and resources, not be available where you are or to you, or not be what is truly self-care for you. An important reminder, self-care does not have to cost money.
I am often surprised when I have worked with young adults and I bring up self-care. Not that it a foreign concept, but it doesn’t always feel like something they think to incorporate into their lives. Or women with families and careers, often feel there is no time or resources for self-care. The demands of life are great and challenging so the question for each of us is how can we integrate into ourselves daily? It starts with defining what self-care is for you. Start small if you have to but start.
What Is Self-Care?
Is a great cup of coffee in the morning all by yourself reading the paper? Is it walking home from work instead of taking a bus? Is it exercise? Meditation? Laughing with friends? Cooking a great meal? Seeing a movie? Yoga? Comedy shows? Playing charades? Think outside the box.
The point is that self-care is defined by you. What activity, place, person, etc. helps you feel centered, calm, brings a smile to your face, energizes you. Ask yourself some of the questions. As a therapist, I can suggest common self-care strategies such as exercise, eating healthy foods, yoga, meditation which are all wonderful tools, but it is not one size fits all.
How does Self-Care Help with Burnout?
“Burnout” is a hot topic right now, so let’s talk about what it is and what to do if you’re experiencing it.
According to Drs. Emily and Amelia Nagoski, burnout is a sense of emotional exhaustion, depersonalization, and a decreased sense of accomplishment, which results from being stuck in a stress response that doesn’t end. We can imagine stress (and all other emotions) like a tunnel. Ideally, we enter a tunnel, move through it, and exit. However, we can get stuck in this tunnel, which can lead to suffering. Burnout is getting stuck in a stress tunnel. In a society that calls upon us to keep hustling and stay productive, with our devices pinging and alerting us to emails and news, it’s no wonder burnout is getting more attention!
So, how do you know if you’re experiencing burnout? Here are some signs:
Fatigue from caring too much, for too long
Decreased levels of empathy, caring, and compassion
An increasing sense of futility
Feeling disconnected from yourself or your surroundings
If you identify with some or all of those signs of burnout, here are some tips and tricks that may help:
Ask for help when you need it. This is the #1 thing you can do to reduce your level of burnout. Humans are not meant to do life on their own, regardless of society’s expectations.
Move your body. Low-to-moderate intensity exercise can help your body move through the tunnel of stress. High-intensity exercise may actually keep you in the tunnel, because it keeps your heart rate up, which occurs when we’re stressed out.
Prioritize getting 7-9 hours of sleep, and improve your sleep hygiene.
If you’d like to learn more about burnout, we highly recommend Drs. Emily and Amelia Nagoski’s book “Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle”.
How to Find the Right Self-Care for You
Make a list of activities/things/people/places that nourish you. Expand your ideas of what self-care can mean for you. One exercise I often tell clients about is taken from the book, The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. It is called the artist date. Once a week, you take yourself alone on a date to enjoy your company. Whatever feels nurturing, replenishing, or interesting to you. A walk in the park, a library, a museum, doing a painting in the park. It doesn’t have to be a long period of time or done once a week.
Maybe start at once a month. Time to explore your interests and enjoy your company. It is the focus on yourself that provides that self-care of exploring your interests and dedicating time to yourself.
Self-Care Ideas to Incorporate into Your Life
There are many self-care ideas to consider as you begin to incorporate self-care into your life. It can be as simple as a daily walk outside.
For some, beginning a morning meditation practice feels like self-care. There are so many mediation apps today to choose from that you are bound to find one that feels right for you. For some it will be exercise; going to the gym, taking a yoga class,or taking a walk in the woods.
For those food lovers and cooks, it could be trying a new recipe for your friends and family. The point is to find what works for you and what is realistic for you given your schedule and lifestyle.
Start Your Own Self-Care Routine
There are many ideas for self-care but the authentic self-care plan comes from you. What works for you given your time, your budget, your community, your interests, and your circumstances. Don’t be hard on yourself if you start a routine and can’t sustain it. Just reevaluate and start again.
Often people get discouraged when they start a routine and then life interrupts it. It can be challenging to get back on the horse. The goal is to just begin again. The results of incorporating self-care into our lives make us better for those we take care of and interact with daily. Next time you are on an airplane, you will hear instructions to put the gas mask on yourself first, before putting on children or older adults you are traveling with. We can’t take care of others if we don’t take care of ourselves.
Need help prioritizing self-care? Working with a therapist in-person or online can help. Book a free consultation and discover how Thrive therapists can help you!
