Embracing Self-Worth: Redefining Body Image for a Healthier You
“Positive body image isn’t believing your body looks good, it’s knowing your body is good, regardless of how it looks” - Lindsay and Lexie Kite, PhD
One of the most insidious parts of diet culture is that it has stolen valuable time and energy from women’s lives, keeping us busy, distracted, and unhappy. Wouldn’t you rather be busy smashing the patriarchy? At face value, the ‘body positive’ movement can seem like the ultimate solution. However, for many of us, it’s not that simple.
As much as we would all like to genuinely love the way we look and feel in our bodies all the time, realistically, this may not be our truth every single day. Sometimes the reality is that we don’t feel good about our body shape, size, or appearance. Some days, we may feel uncomfortable in our bodies for a multitude of reasons.
For some of us struggling with body image, the concept of body positivity can feel disheartening. In fact, many of us are on the receiving end of messaging that implores us to love everything about our bodies, just the way they are, day in and day out. For some of us, this can feel frustrating, and can even lead to guilt or shame around feeling unable to meet these expectations all.the.damn.time.
If you can relate, here are a few ways to reframe and work toward neutrality if you feel stuck or discouraged:
Instead of “I should always feel confident in my body” → try → “I am worthy of showing up, even when I don’t feel comfortable in my body.”
Instead of “I should never feel insecure or judge myself for the way I look” → try → “I can have days where I honor and respect my body AND feel like I don’t love the way I look.”
Instead of “I should always feel comfortable and positive in my clothes (or lack thereof)” → try → “I am more than just a body, even if I don’t feel comfortable in my own skin.”
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How Are You Talking to Yourself?
“Step away from the mean girls and say bye-bye to feeling bad about your looks. Are you ready to stop colluding with a culture that makes so many of us feel physically inadequate?” Say goodbye to your inner critic, and take this pledge to be kinder to yourself and others.” - Oprah
What is the first thing that comes to mind?
My body is ________________
Where did your answer fall on a scale of:
(0) mean girl __ __ __ __ (5) most encouraging friend
It’s funny how we can say things to ourselves that we would never tolerate from another human being and would certainly never say to our closest friends. Why is that?
It’s hard to live a life filled with body acceptance when you’re bombarded with images of the “ideal” body type. Even if you’re able to unplug from social media, try having one lunch out with your friends and you’re sure to hear phrases like, “ooh I wish I could have that, but I’m being good,” “I’m just on a diet until after our big trip,” or “Anyone wants to split something, I’m trying to behave myself.”
As women, we are conditioned to equate our worth and morality with our bodies, and with each stretch mark, cellulite bump, scar, or hair out of place we start to dock points off from our “good enough” category.
Let’s switch things around. Instead of looking at our bodies from a place of not good enough, let’s look at how our bodies are working perfectly right now.
Mean girl: “My arms are so flabby. I need to tone them or I’ll look awful in that new dress.”
Reframe: “My arms allow me to pick up my niece and make sandcastles with her at the beach. My arms allow me to hug my friends, to pet my dog, to paint my kitchen, to connect with the world around me.”
How is your body working perfectly for you right now?
See if you can give it a try starting with a part of your body you have a not-too-complicated relationship with and then work your way towards the areas you struggle with.
3 steps to use mindfulness to improve body image
If you are struggling with your body image, the idea of “self-love” or “body positivity” can feel like a bridge too far. Still, verbally abusing yourself about your appearance is a recipe for self-hatred and body shame. Start learning to speak to yourself in a more accepting, neutral way to improve your body image and silence your inner critic.
Notice judgments: You can’t change something you don’t see, so first you have to build the skill of noticing when you are speaking to yourself in a judgmental way
Don’t judge your judgment: Everyone makes judgments and self-criticism. Beating yourself up about it is futile, only makes you feel worse, and directs your energy away from addressing the problem.
Replace judgments with neutral statements based on objective information: For example, instead of a judgment about how your thighs look, try saying “My thighs are strong and allow me to hike and lift things.” Instead of blasting your wrinkles, try saying “My skin shows that I’ve enjoyed feeling the sun, expressing my emotions, and have experienced many things over the years.”
As you chip away at the habit of automatic self-criticism, the volume of these thoughts will be turned down and replaced by more neutral, accepting language, helping you to feel better about yourself.
“If you wouldn’t say it to a child you love, why are you saying it to yourself?”
Women have high standards and are our own worst critics. Perfectionism and self-criticism feel awful and can really wreak havoc on our goals, performance, body image, and quality of life.
At the same time, we are often WAY more compassionate and supportive to others than we are to ourselves.
A helpful barometer to help you improve how you talk to yourself is to consider if you would speak to a child you love in the same way you are speaking to yourself. If it would feel abusive and awful to say “You’re hideous” or “You’re such an idiot, you can’t do anything right” to a child, why on earth are you saying it to yourself? Talk to yourself the way you would speak to a child you care about to show yourself the same love, support, and respect that you would give that child.
This is an especially important strategy if you suffered from some kind of abuse as a child, particularly from your parents. It’s a chance to give yourself the love and respect that you deserved but didn’t get. Break the legacy of internalized abuse.
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