Navigating Grief: How to Support Yourself and Others Through a Loss
Navigating the journey of grief can be profoundly challenging, and knowing when to seek extra support is crucial for managing its impact effectively. Grief, while a deeply personal experience, often presents signs that indicate the need for additional help. Recognizing these signs and understanding when to reach out for support can make a significant difference in coping with loss and finding a path toward healing. In this blog, we will explore key indicators that suggest it might be time to seek further assistance and highlight valuable resources to guide you through this complex emotional terrain.
The Broad Impact of Grief: Understanding Its Far-Reaching Effects on Individuals
Grief can cause a range of different emotions and these emotions can shift rapidly, leaving the person feeling disoriented and disconnected from the world around them. It is common for people to feel anger, regret, guilt, sadness, numbness, and loneliness. Some people may have somatic symptoms like pain in their bodies or may have trouble sleeping. Many feel feelings of guilt or regret over things they wish they’d done differently, which can be a way of trying to feel in control of an uncontrollable situation. If they can focus on their own perceived mistakes and faults, at least that gives them some sense of power, which might feel better than the complete powerlessness that we can feel during grief.
Signs and Emotions to Identify Its Various Expressions
1. Emotional Signs:
Sadness: One of the most common and recognizable signs of grief is profound sadness. This can range from a persistent feeling of melancholy to intense bouts of sorrow.
Anger: Grief can bring about feelings of anger, frustration, or resentment. This anger may be directed at oneself, others, or even the deceased or the situation causing the loss.
Guilt: Feelings of guilt or regret are often experienced, with individuals questioning whether they could have done something differently or wishing they had acted in other ways.
Confusion and Disbelief: Grieving individuals may feel confused or disoriented, struggling to accept the reality of the loss. Disbelief can make it difficult to process the event or its implications.
2. Physical Signs:
Fatigue: Grief can lead to physical exhaustion and a lack of energy. Individuals may feel unusually tired or drained, even if they are getting enough rest.
Changes in Sleep Patterns: Sleep disturbances, such as insomnia or excessive sleeping, are common. Grief can disrupt regular sleep patterns, affecting overall well-being.
Appetite Changes: Grieving individuals might experience significant changes in their appetite, ranging from loss of interest in food to overeating as a form of comfort.
3. Behavioral Signs:
Social Withdrawal: A person grieving may withdraw from social interactions and activities they previously enjoyed. They might isolate themselves as they process their emotions.
Difficulty Concentrating: Grief can affect cognitive function, making it hard to focus, make decisions, or remember things. This can impact work or daily responsibilities.
Avoidance: Some individuals may engage in avoidance behaviors, steering clear of reminders of the loss or engaging in distractions to escape their feelings.
4. Psychological Signs:
Anxiety: Grief can trigger feelings of anxiety or panic, particularly if the loss has created uncertainty about the future or a sense of vulnerability.
Numbness: A feeling of emotional numbness or detachment can occur, where individuals may struggle to connect with their emotions or find it difficult to express them.
Longing or Yearning: There may be a deep sense of longing or yearning for the person or situation that has been lost, often accompanied by feelings of emptiness.
5. Unique Expressions:
Cultural and Personal Variations: It's important to recognize that grief can be expressed in culturally specific or personally unique ways. Different cultures and individuals have distinct rituals, practices, and responses to grief.
Navigating Grief During the Holidays: Understanding the Challenges of Loss, Memory, and Tradition
The holidays can be particularly painful because all the traditions of the holidays can serve as triggers for memories with the person that was lost. The smells, songs, foods, and traditions of the holidays can all be reminders of the person who was lost and cause a resurgence of feelings of grief and loss. The holidays are also a time to celebrate family and friends, which can remind someone of the gap that is left in their lives from the one they lost.
1. The Weight of Loss:
The holidays can amplify the pain of losing a loved one, as these times are often associated with family gatherings and shared experiences. The absence of the deceased can feel especially acute when familiar traditions and rituals are observed, making their absence more pronounced. This heightened awareness of loss can intensify feelings of sadness and longing during the season.
2. The Impact of Memory:
Memories of past holidays with the loved one can surface strongly, bringing both comfort and pain. While reminiscing can evoke fond memories, it can also highlight the stark contrast between past celebrations and the current absence. This interplay between cherished memories and present grief can create a complex emotional landscape, where joy and sorrow coexist.
3. The Challenge of Tradition:
Holiday traditions often serve as a way to connect with loved ones and celebrate shared values. For those grieving, maintaining or adapting traditions can be fraught with difficulty. Some may feel compelled to uphold these traditions as a means of honoring their loved ones, while others may struggle with the thought of participating in rituals that now feel incomplete or painful. The decision to continue, modify, or forgo certain traditions can be a deeply personal and challenging choice.
4. The Passage of Time:
The passage of time can influence how grief is experienced during the holidays. Each year, as the holidays return, the emotional impact of the loss may change, evolving from acute pain to a more manageable but still poignant sense of absence. Additionally, the progression of time can lead to a reassessment of how to approach the holidays, with individuals finding new ways to incorporate their grief into the season or seeking alternative means of celebrating.
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Navigating Grief During the Holidays
Be around loved ones who are loving and supportive of you and can hold space for any emotions that arise in you. This isn’t a time to isolate yourself, even if you worry others will think you aren’t “fun” to be around right now. Be with those who can keep you company and show you love during your grieving process.
Don’t try to repress or deny your memories or emotions. Honor your grief and the memories of your loved one by creating a tradition that honors them during the holidays and share it with others who want to do the same.
Allow your feelings to just be what they are and not try to make them what you think they should be. Grief comes in waves and it can surprise you. If you have an hour or day when you feel happy, let yourself feel happy without guilt. If you feel angry at the person you lost, that is okay too, it is part of the process and not something to repress or feel guilty about. Let the emotions flow through you without getting too attached to any of them. Express them and release them as they come.
Planning for the Holidays Amid Grief
Planning for the holidays can be particularly challenging for those who are grieving. The season, often filled with traditions and gatherings, can amplify feelings of loss and bring about emotional complexities. To navigate the holidays more effectively, it’s essential to plan ahead with strategies that address your needs and emotions.
Set boundaries with people in your life who won’t be supportive of you while you grieve. Some people struggle to be around grief or hard emotions because they have their own struggles with expressing emotions or have repressed grief or pain. If there is someone who you know will be insensitive or hurtful during this time, then either limit the time you spend with them while you are processing grief or tell them they need to let you process it your own way and that they need to trust your process and not try to tell you how you would feel.
Plan to spend time with warm and loving people who you know will keep you company while you process and not judge or push you. Make a list of people who are your go-tos and outreach them and let them know how and when they can support you. It is common for people going through grief to isolate themselves during festive times because they worry others will find them to be a downer. But, the mature people in your life who have navigated their own painful experiences will be able to be a loving presence for you as you go through the tough emotions of grief.
Communicate with your family and friends so they know better how to support you. Most people have good intentions but feel very inept at how to help someone who is grieving, so let them know what you need and how they can support you. If it feels like too much to communicate to an extended family then have a family member you trust communicate to them on your behalf.
Strategies for Managing Emotions in the Moment and Preparing for Difficult Events
I remind people that grief is a type of wound and that wounds do heal with the right care, rest, and processing time. There might be a scar but it won’t always feel like life-threatening pain in your heart. But, like a wound on your body, you have to keep it clean and give yourself the care you need for a good recovery or you may injure yourself even more or cause the suffering to last even longer. So, I recommend people going through grief try to not linger in feelings of self-recrimination for things they wish they’d done differently, guilt over not spending enough time with the person or other types of harmful thoughts that cause them more suffering and don’t help the healing process. Instead focus thoughts on gratitude for the time they had with the person, the memories they had together, and let themselves just feel loss and sadness without turning it to either shaming or blaming thoughts.
4 Tips on Supporting Others Through Grief
Acknowledge the loss
Be present and listen
Allow them to grieve in their own way
Make yourself available
There is no need to be afraid to mention the lost loved one and refer to them by name. Acknowledge that losing a loved one is hard.
Often, we worry about saying the “right” thing when a friend or loved one is grieving a loss. Don’t feel like you have to constantly be talking, rather, just being there to listen and express understanding can be immensely helpful.
Remind yourself that everyone’s way of grieving is unique and that there is no timetable for grief. Be patient and understanding as your friend or loved one goes through their own process.
Commit to contacting your friend or loved one on a regular basis. Don’t place a time limit on your support. Help out with chores and meals; be proactive about it rather than asking if they need anything. Offer to take them out to do something fun or spend time with them when they feel ready to do so.
Grief is a reaction to loss, and these days as a collective we are being confronted with multiple losses at the same time—not just the devastating losses of loved ones who didn’t recover from COVID-19 and/or other illnesses, but the loss of jobs, security, routines, social interaction, holiday traditions, birthday celebrations, and rite of passage ceremonies such as graduations and weddings. Additionally, there is a sense of loss in not being able to hold the services and have the gatherings that allow us to honor and mourn those who have passed, whether from the virus or other causes. One may sum up the grief we are experiencing at this time as a loss of normalcy or life as we knew it. What is often normal, however, is how we react to these losses. We may have physical reactions, such as headaches, muscle tension, difficulty sleeping, and low energy. We may experience disbelief or as if our circumstances are surreal. We may feel that things are out of our control. We may feel sadness, anger, fear, despair, or even numbness. And the losses we are experiencing at present may bring up feelings about losses we suffered before the pandemic. It may be uncomfortable to sit with all of these emotions, but remember that it is ok to have these feelings and to feel compassion for yourself as you move through them. Talking to someone about what you are feeling can bring some relief, comfort, and the knowledge that we are not alone in this. Focusing on what we have control over, engaging in self-care activities, and finding a balance between feeling the intensity of grief-related emotions and having space from these feelings may be helpful. Taking care of ourselves when we are grieving is of crucial importance and what that looks like for each of us, or in other words how we learn to swim in it, may be different and unique.
Knowing When to Seek Extra Support for Grief
Working with a therapist who specializes in grief can be hugely impactful on the healing process. There are also good support groups for grief. Caring for your body with nurturing and comforting activities, like trauma-informed yoga, swimming, sound baths, and massages can help the emotions flow through you and help comfort you.
By recognizing when to seek extra support and utilizing available resources, individuals can receive the help they need to cope with grief effectively. Thrive Psychology Group is dedicated to providing comprehensive support during this challenging time, offering guidance and resources to assist you on your path to healing.
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